Jealousy, What a Bitch!
First, let me tell you what I did, and then I'll tell you what I should have done.
Looking back at the experience, I now see that I probably had feelings that I didn't understand in my alcohol-infused state during playtime that resulted in my sabotaging my experience. That is called jealousy. I saw him doing things to her that I wanted him to do to me, but instead of using that as a relationship builder, I completely messed up, got my feelings hurt, and sent him a text message. In my defense, which is moot at this point, I felt the text message would be received in a more upbeat way. But that's the thing about text messages; they are received through the voice of the reader, not the intention of the sender. I tell all of my couples to never talk about important issues through text, and then what did I do...
Lessons in Hindsight
Here is what I should have done, but hindsight is always much clearer than the presented issue, right? I should have figured out what he did with her that I wanted from him and said something to the effect of: "I really liked watching you do ______ to her; do you think you could do that to me tonight?"
Yes, folks, that is the mature way to deal with jealousy in this situation, but, of course, I did not have the forethought to behave in this way and I hurt my beloved partner because of my inability to effectively communicate my needs.
We're Human
I am human. Sharing your partner is difficult at times, but I have made it even more difficult by allowing jealousy to sneak in. I know we will make it through this stronger, but it doesn't stop the initial damage my stupidity has caused. Have you ever experienced something like this? If so, how did you handle it?
Written by: Certified Sex Therapist Stephanie Sigler NCC, CST, LPC, Phd ABD
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