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Rules: Provide Good Quality Sexual Service
This week, I did a customer service training for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition (I sit on the Board), and it was absolutely great! There were about 40 people who attended, including staff and volunteers – all of whom are dedicated to the philosophy of harm reduction and what that entails. However, when you have the privilege of being a volunteer, you have to realize that there are certain things that you have to tolerate and accept about people, regardless if you agree with the way they live their life or not.
But, as you probably imagine, after the presentation, I was totally thinking about how you could incorporate these service principles into your sexuality and sexual routine. Whenever I want to please a lover, I always want to make sure that every experience counts; this is my personal dedication of giving good quality sexual service. Has there been sexual incompatibilities with lovers? Sure. But, I bet almost every lover I’ve had knows that I put the maximum amount of sexual effort into most sexual experiences.
Know What You Can Provide
One of the first things about giving good quality sexual service is knowing the services that you provide (and don’t provide!). For instance, what are you willing to do and what don’t you want to do? Maybe you don’t give head on the first date, but you kiss instead. Know all the sexual services that you do well and know all the sexual services that you need to enhance. Also, be upfront about what sexual services you’ll be providing and don’t make assumptions about what your lover knows or doesn’t know about your sexual services.
Be Kind
Providing good quality sexual service means being friendly (unless you’re doing some kinky stuff), and making things as easy as possible. We all know that sexual interaction can be awkward at times, so being able to smile and laugh through it helps to relieve some of that performance anxiety and stress. And don’t forget to say “please” and “thank you” before/during/after sex. Remember, being gracious will help you attract more of what you want from lovers, and being friendly goes a long way!
Respect Others
Another aspect of good quality sexual service means that you have to respect your lover(s). Not only do you need to respect them in the bedroom, but outside of the bedroom, as well. Have you heard the phrase: “Don’t yuck someone else’s yum?” If someone wants to do something that you haven’t done before or someone wants to do something that doesn’t quite attract you, it doesn’t mean you have to judge them for it or look at them with disgust. You need to respect lovers, even if it’s not your thing because, guess what? You might be into something that someone else might not like and you don’t want to be shamed because of your sexual likes.
Listen
Listening to their needs is another aspect of good quality sexual service because it indicates that you are being attentive. What are they saying to you verbally and non-verbally? Are you paying attention to what they’re saying in order to enhance the services that you are providing? Are you giving them feedback to ensure that both of you are getting what you want from the sexual interaction? Another part of listening is being able to deal with their complaints graciously. Don’t let your ego get the best of you if you are doing something that they don’t want you to do or want you to change up the service that you’re providing. This leads me to my next rule…
Learn
Take your screw up and treat it as a learning opportunity. We all make mistakes sometimes, even when it comes to the bedroom, so take this time with your lover to learn how you can improve whatever it is that you messed up in the situation. Don’t take it too personally. Remember, there’s always redemption after a mistake.
Add a Little Something
Last, but not least, throw in something extra! I’m thinking about the cherry on top, and that doesn’t mean the orgasm (which I deem as mostly necessary). I’m thinking about a little love note that you leave behind or the flowers you order the next day to show that you really cared about the sexual interaction in some way. Maybe it’s the last kiss you give and it’s on their forehead. It’s like the breakfast you make after a really good night of incredible sex. Whatever it is, it’s that extra little something to show you cared about what you intimately shared.
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