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Kinky Koach: Bisexuality & Heterosexual Male Anal Pleasure
By Stephanie for ASN Lifestyle Magazine
Kinky Koach Stephanie addresses three questions from her readers about sexual orientation, identity, and more in this column. Read on for her professional advice.
Question 1: How to Come Out as Bisexual to Husband
Q: I have an issue that has been affecting me for an exceptionally long time, and I need some advice from another woman and professional that seems to be bisexual like me. I grew up in a very conservative environment, as were my husband and children. The problem is, I have known I was bisexual about 5 years ago when I was at my friend’s bachelorette party, and I ended up making love with one of my other female friends (drunk, of course). We have never spoken about that night, and we remain friends today. The problem is, I find myself masturbating to women and thinking about women while making love to my husband. I really want to invite women into our bedroom to share but am deathly afraid of his reaction, my family, and my children. I don't want to cause anyone pain or embarrassment but I don't want to cheat on my husband, either. Please help.
S.R.: Thank you for having the courage to reach out and ask your question. I have found that having a conversation with your husband would be the best place to start. This conversation can look two different ways, depending on if he knows about your experience with your friend 5 years ago. If he does know about that experience, I would have the conversation with him about what you enjoyed about the sexual encounter and how much better it would have been if he were part of that evening. Ask him if he has ever fantasized about having you and another woman together. Asking this question will gauge his interest, as well as open the door to a healthy conversation about your sexual desires. Sample opening statement: “I feel extremely intrigued and turned on by the thought of bringing another woman into our bedroom for us to enjoy. Have you ever fantasized about two women at one time?”
If he does not know about your bisexual experience with your friend, then I would start by telling him as much of your sexual experience with your friend that you are comfortable with. One vital element of the lifestyle is communication and honesty. We are asking our partners to share their most prized gift, their significant companion, with others. If there is not a foundation of communication and honesty laid beforehand, then you are opening the door to possible consequences later in your journey.
This conversation will not be easy, but it will allow you to enter the lifestyle with a clear understanding of what his expectations are for you as a couple and as individuals. As a mental health counselor and as an active participant in the lifestyle, I cannot stress the importance of communication and honesty with your partner(s) enough.
Dramatically yours,
Stephanie
Question 2: On Being an "Out" Professional
Q: As a licensed professional, what made you comfortable with being out in the open and in the public eye when it comes to your sexuality? Further, did your sexuality influence your path of study or specialty?
C.F.: Thank you for your question. I was not always comfortable with my sexuality within my own self, so sharing the information with the world was not even something that I ever thought possible. Before I could publicly share my sexual preference, I had to dig deep and determine my motives concerning being out in the public eye. In the end, I found that my story, yet rarely discussed due to fear of rejection from heterosexuals and homosexuals.
Being bisexual provides the opportunity to enjoy both worlds; however, neither world really wants to claim us. In a recent study published in the journal of Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, research revealed that while bisexual prejudice exists in the gay community, lesbians held more angst towards bisexual women compared to gay men. Being a professional in the public eye provides me with a voice and audience to help normalize my sexuality as well as encourage others to speak their truth. My sexuality absolutely influenced my therapeutic specialty. As a mental health counselor, I use my personal story to help others. I have found that this approach to therapy is not one that is commonly practiced in the discipline. However, I don’t know any other way. To satisfy my overwhelming need to clarify, I have many therapeutic techniques in my wheelhouse, but I integrate them with my personal story to help others. As a professional living the lifestyle, I am passionate about helping others on the journey to finding their place in this wonderful world of love and crazy adventures by ensuring they are educated and mildly entertained.
Dramatically yours,
Stephanie
Question 3: Can Heterosexual Males Enjoy Anal Pleasure & Remain Straight?
Q: Is it normal for a heterosexual male to love anal for himself?
LoneStar: Thank you for writing to me about this topic. I want to assure you that it is normal and quite common for heterosexual males to thoroughly enjoy anal stimulation during sexy time. The prostate, AKA the “P-spot,” is the male equivalent of the female G-spot. Research has indicated that when stimulated, men experience a 33% stronger orgasm compared to penal frictional stimulation. Some men report having full-body and even multiple orgasms when anally stimulated. According to LELO, “Regular prostate massage reduces the risk of prostatitis, prostate cancer, genital pain, symptoms of erectile dysfunction, and frequent nighttime urination. In addition, it improves overall erectile function and increases seminal fluid and circulation." If anally stimulating your partner is uncomfortable for you, I would suggest having a conversation with him regarding why it is uncomfortable for you. There are many misconceptions surrounding the idea of men enjoying anal pleasure, and one way to reduce the uncomfortable misconceptions is to educate yourself on what it does for your man. Overall, it is very normal and common for heterosexual men to enjoy, even love, anal stimulation, whether it is full penetration to massage his prostate or massaging the rim of his anus.
Dramatically yours,
Stephanie
This article originally appeared in the July 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.
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