With lyrics such as “bring a bucket and a mop for this wet ass p**y,” Cardi B’s infamous “WAP” song is all about being wet. The message is clear: Vaginal wetness is desirable. 

But what happens when you need a little help getting there? Even though research shows that 65.5% of women have used a lubricant (1), there is a stigma surrounding the use of lube — it’s called lube shaming, and we need to talk about it.

What is Lube Shaming?

"Lube shaming is criticizing someone for using lube during intimacy. Some various societal stigmas and misconceptions are that women shouldn't need lube if their bodies are working correctly or if they are actually attracted to their partner, which couldn't be further off from the truth," says Sarah Cisar, PR Director at Coconu (2). 

This can have damaging consequences on your sex life. It can take the form of people feeling inadequate if their partners are dry — like they're doing something wrong or their partner isn't into them.

For example, UFC star Ronda Rousey lube-shamed Maxim readers in an article where she gave advice to men, telling them that they "should never need lube" because then "they're being lazy and not taking their time." 

While there's something to be said about foreplay and female pleasure, this mentality still perpetuates lube shaming. Besides men judging their sexual performance based on how wet their partners get, lube shaming can also look like women beating themselves up for not getting wet enough and feeling like there is something wrong with them if they need lube. 

These fears and feelings of shame and inadequacy can lead you to avoid lube and have sex without enough lubrication, which is not only painful but also robs you of the opportunity to experience more pleasure (3). 

A UK study conducted by Durex revealed that nearly three-quarters of women have experienced sexual discomfort (4). Vaginal dryness is an incredibly common cause of sexual discomfort — and lube shaming has women suffering in silence instead of speaking up.

"Lube shaming is very problematic because it perpetuates unrealistic expectations about natural lubrication, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence. It can also encourage painful sex (5), which can have negative implications on both parties. Sex should feel good and safe," adds Cisar.

Overcoming Lube Stigma

If you've experienced embarrassment around the idea of using lubricant or if you've been shamed by someone else for wanting to, it's important to recognize lube stigma and challenge it. Understanding all the reasons to rely on lube can help you let go of those misconceptions. 

"I would tell a woman who is embarrassed about needing lube that using a lubricant is completely normal. So many women need it. There is a laundry list of why some might need it more than others; current medications, stress levels, low confidence, and to-do lists are just several factors that can impact our body's natural lubrication process," according to Cisar. 

And if you're wondering, yes — a woman can be dry yet still be turned on. As Cisar notes, there are many cases when absolutely nothing is wrong, but you're still not producing enough natural lubrication on your own.

It's totally fine to rely on lubricant for enhanced pleasure — not just because you're experiencing issues: "Using lube doesn't indicate any problem; it is just a tool to enhance pleasure and comfort," says Cisar.

Also, finding the right lubricant can make things even more fun in the bedroom while breaking taboos. Long gone are the days when you only had a few options.

Several sexual well-being companies have popped up on the market to offer people a broader range of options and solve some of the common complaints associated with lube formulation. 

According to Cisar, finding the right lube can be a game-changer because it has the ability to improve your sex life: "There are new sensations and benefits to discover along with new sexual discoveries and finding out what you really like. As soon as you prioritize your pleasure and comfort, it opens up a realm of possibilities for you and your partner." 

So, take this as your cue to embrace lube whenever you feel like it. Instead of making it this weird thing to talk about, break the stigma by talking about it openly with your partner and trying different products together.

References

1. Herbenick, Debby, et al. “Women’s Use and Perceptions of Commercial Lubricants: Prevalence and Characteristics in a Nationally Representative Sample of American Adults.” The Journal of Sexual Medicine, vol. 11, no. 3, Mar. 2014, pp. 642–652, https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12427. Accessed 28 Jan. 2020.

2. “Coconu | Natural, Organic Personal Lubricants.” Coconu, coconu.com/. Accessed 9 Apr. 2024.

3. “4 Discreet Sex Toys That You Should Buy Right Now.” Naked Folk, www.nakedfolk.com/sex-relationships/discreet-sex-toys. Accessed 9 Apr. 2024.

4. “This Is Why so Many British Women Are Experiencing Painful Sex.” The Independent, 1 Feb. 2019, www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/painful-sex-discomfort-women-females-reasons-a8756821.html. Accessed 9 Apr. 2024.

5. “Can Sex Disturb Your Vaginal PH Balance? An Expert Explains.” Naked Folk, www.nakedfolk.com/sex-relationships/can-sex-really-throw-off-your-vaginal-ph-balance. Accessed 9 Apr. 2024.